How to Give Your Partner a Great Massage
Set Up Your Massage Haven
The atmosphere you set plays a significant role in how enjoyable the massage will be. Think of this as creating a mini spa experience at home.
- Find the perfect space: Choose a quiet area with minimal distractions. This could be a bedroom, living room, or even a cozy corner of your home.
- Adjust the lighting: Dim the lights or use candles to create a warm, calming ambiance. Himalayan salt lamps work beautifully and you get the added health benefits of salt therapy. Here's a great option on Amazon.
- Play soothing music: A gentle playlist with soft instrumental tracks or nature sounds can help both you and your partner relax. Lofi/chillhop music is my favourite, especially if you're not into the cliché "spa" music. Here's our playlist on YouTube!
- Use comfortable surfaces: A portable massage table is ideal, but a soft mattress or yoga mat with pillows for support can also work. I highly recommend using your bed if you can. Not only is it more comfortable for your partner, the giver of the massage will be protecting their back. If you're not quite ready to invest in a massage table you can get a portable headrest for your bed. This is the one I recommend!
- Add aromatherapy: Enhance the room with a diffuser and calming essential oils like lavender or chamomile to set the mood.
Pro Tip: Keep the room warm, as a cold environment can make it difficult for your partner to relax fully.
Pick The Perfect Massage Oil
A key element in a great massage is the choice of massage oil. Think of it as the golden elixir that nourishes both the skin and the senses. Here’s how to pick the perfect one:
- Stick to natural oils: Coconut oil, sweet almond oil, or jojoba oil are great choices. They’re gentle on the skin and won’t clog pores. I highly recommend fractionated coconut oil. It's easy to get, great for people who have sensitive skin or allergic to nut or seed oils and nourishing to their body and your hands.
- Consider aromatherapy blends: Look for pre-mixed oils infused with essential oils. For example, lavender promotes relaxation, and citrus oils can uplift and energize.
- Warm the oil: Before applying it, pour a small amount into your hands and rub them together to warm it up. Cold oil can be startling and ruin the mood.
Pro Tip: Keep a small towel nearby to wipe your hands as needed and prevent oil from getting on clothes or furniture.
More Than Thumbs: How To Effectively Use Your Body
While you may not be a professional masseuse, mastering a few basic techniques can transform your massage from blah to wow! Here are a few things to remember:
- Slow Movements: Begin the massage with long, sweeping strokes along the body. Focus on slowing down, you're not in a rush. This introduces your partner to the massage, prepares their muscles for deeper touch and gets the super relaxed. The gliding motion warms up the muscles and primes the body for more focused techniques. Plus this let's you feel around (in a relaxing way of course) for any knots that you can work on.
- Use Your Body: I encourage you to use your palms, fists and forearms more than your thumbs (see video above) and use your body weight as leverage. Reason why you're massage are only lasting 5 minutes is because you're using your hands way to much. This part of your body has some of the smallest muscles, so you'll get tired faster and feel really sore.
- Build Up Gradually: Just because your partner LOVES deep pressure or has a particular spot they want you to work on, you've got to remember to make this an experience. Jumping in the deep pressure right away or heading straight for the spot takes away from the relaxing, stress relieving part that everyone love when getting a massage. Warm up the areas around the trouble spots and start with a lighter pressure and gradually work your way up. Thank me later!!
If you're ready to really wow your partner with your massage skills, consider taking our Couple's Massage Class! At Aligned One Wellness, we offer in-person and digital classes that teach you professional techniques in a relaxed and enjoyable setting.
- Learn from an expert: Sarah Watson has been providing massage to her clients since 2009 and guides you through the basics, shares practical tips you can use at home and helps you perfect your skills while protecting your body.
- Bond as a couple: These classes are designed to strengthen your connection while teaching you something new together.
- Digital options: If you can’t make it to an in-person class, our online version let's you learn even more from the comfort of your home.
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!
One of the most important aspects of giving a great massage is maintaining open communication with your partner. Encourage your partner to speak openly about what they like and don’t like so you can both work towards improving the experience together! Here’s how to do it:
- Start with questions: Ask if they have any areas they’d like you to focus on or avoid.
- Check in regularly: Now you may be tempted to ask things like "How does that feel?" or "How's the pressure?" Don't do that. These questions are to vague, especially in the beginning. Instead ask, “In terms of the pressure, would you like less, more or the same?” This helps you to know whether or not the pressure you're giving is enough or too much for your partner. Remember to ask this while your hands are applying the pressure so that they can accurately answer. Also asking this way, helps you know what "deep" "medium" or "light" pressure is for your partner. My students are always so surprised when they realize that their partner doesn't really need as much pressure as they thought.
- Encourage feedback: Remind them to speak up if something doesn’t feel right or if they’d like you to adjust. So many times, your partner is just happy you're giving them a massage so they don't ask even though they could be enjoying it more. Follow the steps above and I promise you, they'll enjoy it and you won't hurt yourself in the process.
Stay Present
Beyond the physical aspect, massage is an act of emotional intimacy. In a world buzzing with distractions, being present in the moment is a precious gift to cherish. Let go of your worries, tasks, and to-do lists so you can focus on being in the moment with your partner. You may even start to worry and get in your head about other things on the go, but remind yourself that you too, deserve a break from your never ending to-do list. That list isn’t going anywhere, it will be there tomorrow! So take a break to connect and enjoy your time together.
Have Fun
At its core, a massage is a shared experience. When you’re trying something new, it’s easy to get in your head and worry about whether you’re doing a good enough job.
At the end of the day, the intention of this is to enjoy your time together and do what makes your heart happy. Don’t be afraid to try something new and ask for feedback. Trying new experiences with our loved ones is a great way to deepen emotional connection, so have fun while you’re at it.
In our fast-paced society, nurturing connection is a lost art. Through the gentle power of touch, a massage becomes more than a physical experience, it’s a chance to connect with our partner and build on your relationship together. I hope this newfound knowledge can be your compass to uncharted moments of togetherness! Revisit this guide as much as you need, explore new techniques, and let the massage sessions become a cherished monthly tradition or a weekly date night in idea!
